


Self Destructing

by Slouchtonirvana



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4, Nuka World - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:13:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slouchtonirvana/pseuds/Slouchtonirvana
Summary: Just a one shot fic with female SS and our favorite alpha, Mason. This was just an idea I got at 4am so I typed it out. SS, Nora, struggled with mental illness before the war and it has only gotten worse in the new world. Tired of everything, tired of living, she falls back on the crutches of self harm much to the dismay of Mason. Some smut, some fluff, and brutal and honest descriptions of loss, pain, and mental illness. So often I see depression and mental illness described as something beautiful and sexy, when it isnt. Mental illness is hard, ugly, and it can tear people apart. This is a story with the harshness of the reality of mental illness.Yes, there is self harm described in this. It isn't just a reference, it is a larger part of the story so if that is a trigger for you, don't recommend.
Relationships: Mason/Female Sole Survivor, Mason/Sole Survivor (Fallout)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Self Destructing

Nora stood in the amphitheater awkwardly, shifting back and forth on her feet. She didn’t know if this was acceptable, to do what she was about to do but fuck all if she gave a shit. She saw the Alpha in his usual spot, on that throne of his. She slowly made her way over, making it clear with her body language that there was no threat. Some of the pack members looked at her with curiosity, but she approached the Alpha, respectfully stayin a couple of stairs down. This had to be done right, fuck they might lose respect for her either way but she repeated in her mind that she very clearly did not give a fuck right now. 

She waited for Mason to acknowledge her as a show of respect, and he seemed to notice. His back went up straighter on his throne. “To what do we owe the pleasure of this encounter, Boss?”

Nora looked down and around, clearing her throat. Finally she sighed. “Look, I just wanted to come uh, say thanks. Thank you for what you did. You didn’t have to, you could have ignored it but you didn’t and I appreciate it. Fuck, is this okay? Is showing gratitude a sign of weakness? Fucking raider shit. I can’t figure any of it out.” She sighed again, shoulders sagging. “Either way, thanks.”

Mason was looking at her in a way she couldn’t figure out. She thought of earlier that day, when a group of operators had cornered her and were in the process of cutting her clothes off when Mason happened to walk by, and he had torn them apart. She ran off before he said anything to her about it, she felt embarrassed to have even been in the situation. She had talked to the Black twins about it, and felt comfortable in that they had nothing to do with the assault, and Mags was quite upset about it. She knew the gang would be properly punished. 

And the men that attacked her? Mason had torn them to shreds, each of them. None of them stood a chance against his brutality, and Mason had reminded Nora that he would be quite the formidable enemy. She looked at the Alpha in front of her, and he was watching her with his head cocked. “You okay?” he asked. 

She gave a nervous laugh. “Of course! It wasn’t that big of a deal. But, you know. Showing gratitude and all.” Nora’s nerves were getting the best of her. The attack earlier had shaken her to her core, had reminded her she was not safe even with all the parks claimed and the gangs happily making caps. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well, you don’t have to believe me. Good day, Alpha,” Nora turned on her heel and went to walk out. 

The Alpha stood and took her elbow. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

Face made of stone, she looked him dead in the eye. “I am going to go see how much alcohol it will take to give me alcohol poisoning, and hopefully I choke on my own vomit as I am passed out.” 

Mason just stared at her and she laughed again, walking around him to leave. He probably thought she was fucking crazy, and fuck maybe she was. She was over all this shit. She came to Nuka-World a shell of a woman, ready to just die when she stumbled upon being an overboss to some fucking raiders. She did the job they asked her to. Gage was her right hand, and she ended up dismissing him and kicking him to the curb. He still lived in the park somewhere but he wasn’t her advisor anymore. 

She was slowly getting rid of all of her possessions, she realized that she was preparing herself for death. She knew it would happen any day now and she gladly looked forward to it. She was just fucking over this whole world and fuck being a raider. Fuck everything, she hoped it all burned down to the ground after she passed. 

She could probably just leave, honestly, but where would she fucking go? She hated the Commonwealth. If she had the capacity to feel anything, she might have felt surprised at her loss of will to live. When she was attacked earlier, she wasn’t scared of dying. She welcomed it. But no one wanted to die while being assaulted. She hoped that they would just fucking stab her but leave it to men to be fucking trash. 

At this point she made it to the lift that went up to her loft, and she sighed at the sight in front of her. Several bottles of booze, cigarettes. The record player she bought off a scavver and the box of records she found in a warehouse that used to be part of the mall. Records of music that wasn’t played on repeat on the goddamn Diamond City Radio, and not Red-Eye’s fucking out of tune gutterpunk wailing. 

Nora opened a bottle and began drinking directly from it, fingering the box of records. It was so weird that the only music that made it to this world was jazz and blues. This precious box of records was what Nora liked, rock and shit. Fuck yeah, she pulled out the Third Eye Blind record. Might as well drink to something kinda depressing. She put it on to play, and turned it up. “Deep Inside Of You” started to play and Nora leaned back in the armchair, lighting a smoke and gulping back the rotgut. 

Before the end of the song was going she was delightfully drunk, and the music was so loud she didn’t hear the lift. Probably not smart but she wasn’t looking for smart right now. Anyone else wanna take her out, please do her the fucking favor. She opened her eyes and jumped at the pack’s Alpha before her. He didn’t say anything, just poured himself a drink and sat in the chair across from her. 

The record player went to the next song, “How’s It Gonna Be”, and Nora smiled. So fucking fitting for her mood right now. Mason was just watching her as the music played and she drunkenly sang along to it, taking sloppy swigs from the bottle as she went:  
“I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore  
Before you take a swing  
I wonder what are we fighting for  
When I say out loud  
I want to get out of this  
I wonder is there anything  
I'm going to miss  
I wonder how it's going to be  
When you don't know me  
How's it going to be  
When you're sure I'm not there”

She opened her eyes as she sang along to the chorus and Mason was watching her like a hawk. The song continued on in it’s depressing ass ballad, and Nora continued to enjoy it. She remembered the Summer Solstice festival, where Third Eye Blind played, and she and her girlfriends got drunk in the midnight sun and sang along to the music they grew up hearing on the radio. She remembered when they played this song, they had all crooned along to it, each person having an emotional stake in the lyrics. 

When the song got to the bridge and the beat went up, Nora sang along to it louder, really getting into it. Fuck, she related to this song more than she used to. How was it going to be when she wasn’t around anymore? Would it even affect anyone? They would probably find another overboss, and replace her quickly. No one would mourn her, there was no one to mourn her anymore. 

The song ended, and the silence in the room was more deafening then the music, but it was only for a few seconds, then “Jumper” came on, and Nora laughed out loud at the irony. She stood up to get another bottle, wobbling as she sang along, Mason watching her every move. “...I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in. And, if you do not want to see me again, I would understand…” Collapsing on the chair, she started on the second bottle. Mason was still staring at her and she had to admit, it was unnerving. 

The song in the background seemed to be way too fitting in the way he was watching her. Nora was chain smoking and avoiding his gaze. Halfway into the second bottle, Mason sighed and stood, snatching the bottle from her hands. “Alright, that’s enough of that. You are too little to be drinking like that.”

Slurring her speech she said, “Hey. You don’t get to tell me what to do.” She burped, waiting to see if it was puke. “Nope, safe burp.” 

He sighed, throwing the bottle to the side and turning off the record player. “Hey! You don’t touch the music, kay?” She pointed a finger in his face. “Okay?”

He just cocked a brow at her. “Come on, let’s get you in bed. You are gonna feel like death tomorrow.”

She groaned back in her chair. “I welcome death with open arms.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Pssht. You don’t know me, Alpha.” The room was tilting, and she wasn’t sure she could get up, but her bladder was really full. Slowly, she pushed herself from the chair, wobbled a bit, then caught her balance, making her way to the bathroom. Crashing into every piece of furniture on the way. 

“Shit.” Mason ran over and caught her around the waist, guiding her through the doors. 

“Hey. Fucko. I gotta piss. Hmph.”

“I figured, but you can’t even walk to the bathroom. Let me help you.”

“Whatever. Fucking raiders.”

He just sighed, and they got to the bathroom. She struggled with her belt a bit in the dark room and he sighed again, undoing it for her and pushing her pants down a little so he could go the rest of the way, then turned his back as she sat on the toilet. 

The stream of urine came out of her forcefully and she groaned in pleasure. It seemed to go on for forever and when her bladder was finally empty, she wiped herself off and stood, pulling her pants up, not bothering with the buckle. They made their way back to the loft, and Nora went for the bottle that had been tossed aside. 

“Nope. Not gonna happen. Get your ass to bed. You are a liability as it is,” Mason pointed. 

“A liability, huh? Hmph. Liability,” she muttered under her breath. The word sounded good, accurate. 

“The fuck is your problem, anyway? Some assholes try to get your pants off and you get all worked up? You been through worse than that.”

“Yes, I have been through worse. And I am fucking tired of it,” she was gesturing wildly with her hands. “Tired of fucking all of it. I’m done. I did what y’all asked me to do. I’m done with this whole, being fucking alive thing. It’s fucking stupid.”

Mason was frozen. “We still need an overboss.”

“Pfft. What the fuck for? Y’all got what you wanted. Everything is taken care of. Sit back and collect your caps, my job is complete.” She opened her arms wide. “I gladly welcome the grim reaper to collect this wary soul from the clutches of this fucking trash world.”

She wobbled again, almost falling, and Mason grabbed her around the waist but didn’t let go. “You don’t mean that, alright? Just knock it off. Get into bed, it’ll be better tomorrow.”

“Alpha, it is never better tomorrow. Tomorrow is always fucking worse. It doesn’t get better. The only time it gets better is when we are in the fucking grave.” He still had her around the waist, staring down at her. “Fuck, Alpha. If I didn’t know better, I would say you might be a tad worried. Don’t worry, I’m not planning on doing anything stupid like trying to start shit with raiders or cause a war. Y’all be fine.” She patted him on the shoulder.

He was still staring at her and she couldn’t read his face. Suddenly he just picked her up, and carried her over to her bed, tossing her down more gently than she expected. She lay flat, arms spread out and he looked down at her. She ignored the hot coil she felt in her stomach at the way he looked down at her, but that was probably just the booze. He leaned down and untied her boots, and went to pull down her pants. The world was beginning to fade to black, so she didn’t even really care. 

He got her pants to her knees, and stopped. She opened one eye and looked at him. “What?”

He was staring at her legs, and it took a minute for it to register. Shit, too late now. “You know my little secret, Alpha. Now I have to kill you,” she said, giggling. 

His face was still hard. “The fuck is this shit?”

She fought with her pants to finish getting them off, and went for her top, the thin long sleeved t-shirt. Fuck, he has already seen it, who fucking cares. She fought with the shirt and he helped her get it off, and caught her wrists in his hands, staring at her arms. 

Over her thighs, from knee to hip, and her arms, from wrist to shoulder, were hundreds of cuts. Some really deep, some more shallow. Just marks of taking a blade over her skin repeatedly. “Nora, what is this?”

“What do you think it is?”

“Did someone hurt you?”

She laughed. “You could say that.”

“What happened?”

“It makes me feel better.”  
His hands on her wrists gripped tighter. “What?”

“It makes me feel better. I hadn’t done it in a long time, but who fucking cares anymore, am I right?”

“I care, Nora.”

“Psssht. You care about getting what you want, in which you did. I gave you everything you wanted. Fuck, you wanna be overboss? When I kick the bucket you can have that. I’ll put it in my will.” She glanced up at him. “Legally binding contracts still matter in this world, right?”

He threw her wrists down, pushing her down on the bed. “Go the fuck to sleep.”

“Bye, Alpha.” She expected him to go down the lift, back to his territory. By the time her head hit her pillow, she was out. 

Nora woke sometime midday. She knew it was midday because the sun was high and hot, she was sweating and only in her underwear and bra. Her head was pounding and her mouth felt like it was full of cotton. Slowly, she cracked open one parched eye, and saw Mason sitting in a chair by her bed, staring at her. Fuck. Now she was hungover as fuck and had to play it cool and tough with the goddamn Alpha here. 

Then, the night before came back to her. Not all the memories, but enough to know she made an ass of herself. She had proven herself to be weak, just another pathetic human, and Mason hated weakness. He would be planning to take her out right now, and Nora was fine with that. She could use some water, though. Slowly she sat up in the bed, and Mason came over immediately, setting on the edge of the bed. Nora didn’t even care that she was in her underwear. She kind of cared Mason saw her secrets etched into her skin but, also, who fucking cares? 

He was looking at her like she was weak and pitiful, of course. He handed her a can of water, and she slowly sipped on it gratefully. Once her mouth was less dry, she cleared her throat. “So, uh, let’s just not talk about this ever again?”

“Oh no, you aren’t getting off that easy.”

“Come on, who fucking cares?”

Mason pounded his fist to his chest, growling. “I fucking care, Nora. Goddammit, I fucking care.”  
She laughed. “What do you have to care about? You got what you wanted. What else do you want? Wanna be overboss? I meant it last night, you can have it.”

“I don’t want it. I wanna be Alpha of the pack, I don’t care about the other gangs.”

“I don’t see what the problem is. Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be trying to have me assassinated cause I’m like, weak or something?”

“You ain’t weak. Plus I think an assassination is exactly what you want.”

Nora did finger guns at him. “Bingo.”

Mason actually laughed, throwing his head back. “Well, too bad. I stayed watch overnight, to make sure no one took advantage of the drunk overboss.”

Nora pouted. “Well, you are no fun at all.”

Mason leaned forward towards Nora, his smile gone. “You know why I helped you out yesterday, against those operators?”

“Because you have a weird sense of loyalty to some forms of authority and knew it was your place as a gang leader to protect the overboss?”

He leaned forward further. “No. I did it because when I saw those men cutting your clothes off, about to do what they were going to, I felt a rage that I rarely feel. Rage that only comes up when I have been betrayed by someone I trusted. I wasn’t going to let other men put their hands on you.”

“That’s sweet, thanks. I guess. Well, I am awake now so you can go.”

“Quit pushing me away.”

“I’m not? Just, you know. Leave now.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and settled where he sat. “No.”

“No?”

“No. Not until you talk to me. What’s going on? You have been just fine this whole time and suddenly, this shit.”

Nora sighed again, defeated. “Alpha, I haven’t been fine this whole time. Look at my arms and legs. I am just good at hiding it. I am not fine, and never have been.” Her voice was beginning to crack. Well, fuck it. She sat on, sitting cross legged and close to him. “Alpha, I am so utterly and completely fucking alone. My husband, shot in front of me. My child stolen, who ended up being made into the leader of the Institute, so I killed him. I have no one in this world, absolutely no one. Everyone is fucking gone, okay? And when I came to Nuka World, I was planning to shoot myself but Gage talked me into doing this for a short time, and I did it because someone needed my help. But now the work is done, I am not needed and I-” tears were falling, “am so fucking alone, and there is nothing that will change that.”

Mason reached out and cupped her face. “Nora-”

“I really, and truly, just don’t want to live anymore, okay? It seriously is my wish. I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t want to wake up everyday, alone, with nobody next to me, with no reason to continue to live. I killed my own fucking kid, Alpha. I have been beaten and assaulted and everything else in this world and I just kept going and I have no fucking idea why. I am realizing now how stupid it was for me to even try in this world.” Nora sniffed. “And shit, I know you don’t care for me and now you are going to think of me as this disgusting creature, and know that I am all weak and everything you hate.”

His hand still cupped her cheek. “What if you weren’t alone?”

“But I am.”

“But what if you weren’t?”

“And how do you think to remedy this? I’m not paying someone to be around me, that is just embarrassing.”

His thumb rubbed a spot on her cheek, and he moved in closer to her. She didn’t move back but she smirked, “Are you trying to seduce me, Alpha?”

He shook his head. “Don’t give a fuck about that.”

“Then what?”

“I worry about you, Nora.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, whatever.” She moved back and he grabbed her elbow, keeping her close to him. 

He looked down at her arms and legs. “I don’t like this shit.”

“Well, good thing your opinion doesn’t fucking matter now, does it?”

“Yeah, good thing I guess.” He still had hold of her wrist, and pulled her in closer to him, almost into his lap. “Knock it off, Nora. I’m tired of this shit.”  
She didn’t pull away. She couldn’t be seen as weak, any more weak than already happened. She needed to stand her ground and not back down even when he was showing his claws. “What shit are you talking about, exactly?”

One of his arms went around her waist, as the other hand went to trace the lines on her legs. Nora ignored the goosebumps she felt under his touch. Fuck, it had been so long since anyone touched her. Centuries, literally. All she had was a handshake here and there. Mason’s hands on her right now had her practically shivering. 

And he fucking noticed, too. “You alright?”

She just cleared her throat. “For your information, the last time anyone touched me beyond a handshake was about 260 years ago, when my husband did. Before the bombs fell.”

She expected him to laugh at her, mock her, but his face went hard and his lips pressed in a thin line. “You fucking with me?”

She shook her head. “Fraid not. I’m not really what you people call a catch.”

“Now I know you are fucking with me.”

Nora just shrugged. “It’s alright, I know what I look like. It isn’t a big deal it’s just… Fuck, I am so goddamn lonely. I have no one here. And I can’t talk about it, because it is weak. I am just, alone and so fucking tired. Tired of fighting, of being strong, and doing all of it alone.”

Mason pulled her to him. “You don’t have to do it all alone.”

“Yes, I do. Because I can’t have anyone close to me, all people here want is to use me. I can’t risk even sleeping with someone, letting someone hold me, because I know they are just manipulating me. And I don’t like being manipulated. Which brings me to, what the fuck is your game here?”

He growled. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You obviously want something, so out with it. Quit playing the fucking games and pretending like you give a shit.”

Mason pushed her off and stood up. “I don’t have to put up with this.”

“You’re right, you don’t. Bye.” Nora just sat on the end of the bed, eyes forward. 

Mason stared at her for a while, looking at the cuts on her arms and legs, her slumped shoulders. Nora waved him off. “Bye, Alpha.” 

It was nearly a month before he saw her again. He hated how he pined after her but he wasn’t going to let her see that. She had these monthly meetings with the gang leaders, going over stupid shit. Everything was going smoothly but the meeting happened anyway. He got up to the loft first, and the smell hit him before he saw it. Stale cigarettes and booze, empty bottles everywhere. She had on pants and a thin long shirt in the heat, which meant he knew she was hurting herself. 

And fuck, she wasn’t just doing that. She looked like she hadn’t eaten the whole time. Dark circles under her eyes, and she was losing weight. She was losing those delicious curves and thighs that he dreamed about, that sweet stomach pudge that stuck up just under her armor that he thought about running his tongue on. He was the only one up there. “Boss?”

“Hmm? Oh, Alpha. You are early. Have a seat, I am sure the others will be here soon,” her voice was quiet. Tired. Fuck, he fucked up. He should not have left her. She needed him, she was just stubborn and pushed and he let her cause fuck if he wasn’t stubborn, too. 

“Hey, Nora. How are you doing?” he stepped closer to her. 

“Same ol’, same ol’,” she muttered, kicking an empty bottle of booze out of the way. He sighed, and started picking up all the empty bottles before the other gang leaders showed up. She was obviously a wreck but didn't need more ammo against her. “You don’t need to do that, alright?”

“Just stop. Here, sit down. Drink some water, please?” He handed her the can and she sipped it, grimacing at the taste. She sat down in an armchair, and he knelt in front of her, hands on her knees. “Just let me, okay?”

“Let you what, Alpha?” Fuck, she never called him by his name, just his title. It was a little hot but he wanted her to call him by his name, wanting that intimacy. 

“Let me help you, be here for you.”

“Alpha, I have nothing to give you so whatever you are trying to manipulate out of me isn’t gonna happen.”

There it was, that push again, but this time he wasn’t gonna fall for it. Before he could respond, the other gang leaders came up. All of them eyed Nora, brows raised at her state. As usual there was nothing to report on, other than she contacted more caravans to add them to their trade route, so more caps for everyone. Fucking of course she was still working her ass off, even as a mess. 

The gang leaders left, and Gage eyed Nora and Mason before stepping on the lift. Mason knew Gage had an affection for her, and he didn’t like seeing her like this either. Mason just gave Gage a nod, and he returned it, going on the lift. Finally they were alone again. 

Mason decided to go for it. The worst that would happen is she fought him off, in which he would leave, real quick. He put an arm on either side of the armchair, pinning her in, and devoured her mouth with his. He expected her tp push him away, slap him, fuck maybe even laugh about it. He didn’t expect that soft moan to escape her lips as she pushed herself closer to him. He lifted her up off the chair, easily carrying her to the bed. 

“Alpha, we shouldn’t,” she said against his mouth. 

“You don’t want to, you just say it, alright? I ain’t forcing you into anything. I ain’t manipulating you, either. You ask me what I want, and what I want is you. Always have. Since the day you came into my territory, baring your teeth at me.”

He set her down on the bed, leaning over her. “Just tell me no and we stop. Promise. Okay?”

She nodded, all wide eyed. He took off his shirt and necklace, tossing it to the side, and kicked his shoes off before climbing over her on the bed. He knelt down to devour her mouth again, pleased when her arms wrapped around his neck. “Fuck, Nora. I think about you all of the time. Got me pining after you. And right now, I am worried about you. So worried it makes me sick. I don’t want anything to happen to you, Nora.”

She chuckled against his mouth as he moved to take off her shirt. “That’s stupid. You can get a quick fuck out of anyone in the pack.”

“I don’t want a quick fuck, not with you, I want-” he stopped when he got a look at her without her shirt on. He felt sick. More gashes, deeper ones. They were on her stomach now. She ran out of room on her arms and legs. Fuck, he had a lump in his throat. “Nora.”

She just threw her arms around his neck again. “Just ignore it, it’s fine.” 

She tried to kiss him again and he pulled back. “I can’t ignore this.”

“Why? It doesn’t affect you.”

“Seriously? This shit doesn’t affect me? Is it not supposed to? Fuck what kind of people have you had in your life that you think it is normal to ignore this kind of shit with people that you care about?”

She paused. “Wait, you care about me?”

“Of course I do, Nora. Fuck. You doing this to yourself is killing me. I don’t know how to make you stop.”

A tear fell from Nora’s eye and down the side of her face. “Please don’t stab me in the back, Mason.”

He groaned at his name, leaning down to kiss her. “I won’t. I’m not a manipulator, not like the others. I fight and take what I want.”

He undid the zipper on her pants, pulling them down. He almost choked at the sight of her legs. She was losing a lot of weight, the gashes were everywhere and fuck. He wanted to grab her and shake her and tell her to knock it off, let him help her, let him be there but his pride wouldn’t let him. Instead he pressed kisses down her neck, running his tongue on her collarbone and she moaned underhim, back arching off the bed.

“Responsive, aren’t we?”

“I wasn’t lying before. I haven’t been touched by anyone in hundreds of years, unless it was a fight.”

He skimmed a hand down her chest, over her abdomen. She gasped and arched up again. Fuck, this was going to be fun. He was ignoring the cuts for now. That would be a talk for later. Fuck, he just wanted her arching up more for him and coming apart under him. He let his hand go lower, slower, past her waist, giving her plenty of time to stop him but she didn’t. 

He rubbed a circle around her clit and she cried out. He covered her mouth with his and gently touched her all over, up and down her slit, at her entrance. Every touch she jolted like she was being electrified. He found that spot just above her clit, under her hood, that made her gasp again, so he ran his finger over that spot over and over. He had barely done anything to her and she was acting like she was about to come. Fuck, maybe she was. 

He let his lips brush against hers, finding her pulse in her neck and nibbling as his fingers moved. She was wet, so wet and he dipped his finger in her slick to rub over her clit some more. He was almost disappointed in how little work it took to get her to come apart but, there would be more time for this stuff later. Suddenly her eyes popped open and she looked up at him with a look that was making his heart do that weird pang. 

“Mason, I want you.”

“Okay, sweetheart.” The pet name just slipped out but he pulled his pants down, pressing himself against her. It was almost too easy, but she was so fucking tired, and he wanted to make her feel better. He lined himself up and propped himself up by her head. “Ready? I’ll go slow, alright?”

She nodded, and he just shoved the head of his cock in her and she cried out. Fuck, she was fucking tight. This was going to take a lot of work, he wished he had fingered her or something first. He pulled out, and thrust in a little more. Pulled out, a little more. Every time he thrust in further she cried out, head back against the pillow. Finally, he was seated inside her and he just paused. 

Fucking amazing. She was gripping tight around him, squeezing every inch of him. He looked down at her. “You alright?”

“I think so.”

He chuckled, and slowly pulled out a little and pushed in. He wanted to fuck her hard but fuck, being buried inside of her felt fucking amazing too. Gently he pulled and pushed his cock in and out of her, moaning at her moving of her hips with him. Once she was wet, used to his size, he slammed into her with a hard thrust and she screamed out underneath of him. 

“Nora, fuck. I have wanted this for so long,” he groaned against her throat, biting at the quick pulse there. 

She didn’t respond, just whimpered, and he felt her tightening more around him. His dirty talk was getting her close, he could feel her about to come. “Fuck, I can feel that. Didn’t think you could get any tighter, but your pussy is strangling my cock. No, don’t push away, I want to feel it. I want to feel you come.” Her cries increased to a crescendo and she crashed, her thighs squeezing around him. 

THe sound that he made was less than manly, a strangled moan as he suddenly went over the edge himself, pumping hard inside of her. He should be embarrassed that it was only a few minutes but it was fucking amazing. Easily some of the best fucking he had ever had. He laid on top of her, holding her, his face buried in her hair. Finally he sat up with a huff, looking down at her. He expected the face of a woman who was sated, with heavy eyes looking at him through thick lashes. Instead, her face was stone. 

Her lips pressed in a thin line, she wouldn’t even look at him, staring up at the ceiling. “Nora, hey. Look at me. What’s wrong?”

She gave him a smirk. “Hmm? Oh, nothing. Great fuck, Alpha. Appreciate it.” She wiggled out from under him and sat on the edge of the bed, cleaning herself off and pulling on a tank top. 

“Oh, so that’s how it is going to be, huh?”

She didn’t respond, just started singing that song she played before, How’s it Gonna Be or something. He couldn’t let her push him away like this, not after what they just shared. He sat behind her and wrapped his arms tight around her, ignoring how his now soft cock was still dripping with the remnants of her slick and his come. “Just let me.”

“Let you what, Alpha? I let you fuck me, it was good. Fun time. Reminded me of what I was missing, I should be more open to casual sex with people.”

He growled at that. “I’m not a fan of that idea.”

“Don’t care. Bye, Alpha.”

“Don’t do this. If I leave her right now, I am never coming back to you. I am never doing this again. I can’t, I can’t keep getting hurt by you.”

She turned to look at him suddenly, searching his face. That wall had dropped temporarily and he almost felt relieved, when the guard came back up. No, come on. Instead she just gave him another smirk. “Bye, Alpha.”

With a hmph, he put his clothes off and turned to leave. At the lift he waited a moment, waited for her to change her mind, her to run to him and beg him to be with her. Instead she got up and locked the double doors to the loft, and turned to him expectantly, waving him off. His heart shattering in a way he didn’t think it could, he got on the lift and swallowed the lump in his throat. It felt like forever before he touched the ground and as soon as he was off he heard the click. She turned the power to the lift off. No one could get up there, now. 

He felt a sick feeling in his stomach and waited. Waited for a few minutes, but he heard nothing. Finally he forced his legs to move, to walk away. Walk away from the woman that he felt things for that be never expected. He was just past the large building when he heard the gunshot. 

One, single gunshot. That came from the loft. He couldn’t force away the tear that fell down his face as he screamed. 

Nora stood over the bleeding body of Savoy, the Disciple’s lackey. His presence was a surprise. Hands shaking, she heard Mason’s scream from below. She ignored it, ignored everything and just sat in the oversized armchair, smoking and staring at the body of the man who had been waiting to assassinate her.  
She heard the feet stomping in the hallway past the double doors. They were trying to storm her castle, come take her out. They were trying to break down the locked double doors and she knew they would eventually. Calmly, she went to her dresser and pulled out the dress. The pre-war dress that she found and kept for herself, a link to her past life. She put it on, and slowly zipped it up. She remained barefoot, being barefoot reminded her of a simpler time, walking around in her garden at home. 

She ran the brush through her matted and curly hair, getting out most of the tangles so it hung past her shoulders. She picked up some bobby pins, and pinned some of the curls back in an old world style. She knew her time had come. They were going to kill her, and she wanted to go out in style. She went to the bar, taking a highball glass, and poured a drink of the nice aged scotch she had been saving for the right moment. 

She couldn’t decipher the yelling from the other side and she wasn’t even really listening. She thought about putting on some music, but decided not to. Instead, she sat in the comfy chair, and awaited her execution. 

Mason’s body felt like electric jolts were coursing through it. He had beat the fuck out of any raider that got in his way, gathered some pack members to break into the loft. He didn’t want to think about what was on the other side of the doors. His pack ignored the tears on his face as he slammed his shoulder into the double doors, over and over. One of the pack members had asked what the point was if she was fucking dead anyway, and he had snapped the kid’s neck with his bare hands, going back to work. 

The other pack members realized what was happening, and helped Mason slam themselves into the doors. Finally the wood began to crack and Mason slammed into it with more fervor, needing to get to the other side. He needed to see her one last time before she started to decay. The thought made him sick and he suppressed the gag that came out with it. Finally, the doors came off the hinges, cracking and falling inside far enough that they could climb through. Mason was the first one, searching the room with wide and crazy eyes. 

He turned white like he saw a ghost. She was sitting there, in the chair. Fuck, this must be her ghost. She was dressed pre-war, like she would have before the end of the world. He thanked the universe for giving him this chance to say goodbye to her spirit. Stumbling into her room, he knelt at her feet as she looked down on him, calm and collected. “Nora.”

“Alpha.”

He grasped her knees, his breath coming out in gasps. “Nora.”  
His pack members stood on the other side of the broken doors, ignoring what was going on. “Can I help you, Alpha?”

He let the tears fall from his eyes, streaking through his facepaint. “I’m so glad I got to say goodbye to you.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “I knew you would do this to me.”

He tilted his head. “Do what to you? You did this to yourself.”

She just snorted. “I guess you could say that, pretty true.”

He pressed a kiss to her knee. “I wish you would have let me take care of you.”

“We both knew you would do this to me, I’m not an idiot.”

Mason was starting to get confused. Was she blaming him for leaving her here alone? “I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to be with you. Fuck, ain’t never wanted someone like I want you. I’m sorry I wasn’t more open about it before.”

“S’kay.”

“I didn’t want you to hurt yourself. I didn’t want you to do this. Fuck, this is killing me. I feel like if I had a soul, it is dying.” Mason was almost embarrassed at the bullshit coming out of his mouth but fuck it was true. 

She just snorted, even her ghost was a distant asshole. “What are you doing, Alpha?”

“I’m saying goodbye.”

“No need, just get your gang in here and get it over with. I’m ready.”

Now Mason was fully confused. What does his gang need to do? “Get what over with?”

“Y’all are coming here to assassinate me.”

Mason just stared at her. “You are already dead.”

“Fuck, I know it. At least on the inside. Unfortunately my heart is still pumping and y’all are here to get rid of that so, get it over with. I put my nice dress on and everything.”

Mason froze. “You did it. I heard the gunshot when I left. You locked the doors, no one else was in here.”

Nora just pointed at the dead Disciple in the corner. “He was hiding under my bed, who knows how long, waiting for the right moment. While I welcome death, not trying to be tortured to deaht by that fuck.”

Mason stood up and went to the body, Savoy laying in a puddle of his own blood. He looked back over at Nora, who seemed amused by the whole thing. His pack members all went out in the hallway, out of earshot of the two. Mason stood there, registering all of this. She wasn’t dead. She was still here. This wasn’t her ghost. He ran to her, picking her up off the chair and folding her in his arms, holding her close. “You look so beautiful in this dress. I thought you were dead. I thought I was talking to your ghost, got a chance to say goodbye.”

Nora actually started laughing. “No, Alpha. After I killed him, I heard y’all storming in. I thought it was more people to finish off killing me, so I get all dressed in my Sunday best.”

“You thought I was here to kill you?”

“Yeah. After you left I figured that was it, especially after Savoy over there.”

The conversation they just had suddenly made more sense. Mason started laughing too, throwing his head back. He thought he had lost her, grief striking him and keeping him from thinking clearly. He had another chance, and he wasn’t going to ruin it this time. 

“Nora, let me take care of you. Please, let me help you. I don’t want anything from you. Nothing more than what you have already giving me for the gangs. This is it, all I want is you.”

“I don’t think you can give me what I want, Alpha.”

“I ain’t letting you die if that is what it is.”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t think you can give me what I want in a relationship.”

“Try me.”

“I want, just me and you. No sleeping around, no games. A normal couple, only with each other. I lost my family before, and I want another one. It is why I never got involved with anyone in this world, no one can give me what I want. I want normalcy, a simple life.”

Mason smiled down at her. “I have always wanted kids. Cubs running around, getting into shit and starting fights.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, I’m not saying I want that with you.” Her words were hard, but she was melting in his arms against him. 

“Oh, but you will, sweetheart. Give me a chance, please?” His begging was soft. “But if you do, this shit has to stop. I don’t tolerate self-destruction. And no, before you say anything, it has nothing to do with weakness. You are mine, and I will not put up with you hurting yourself. It stops now. I will take care of you, do everything to make you feel better, to get past your shit. Look, I know what it is like to work through a past. I got some skeletons in my closet too, okay? I will be here for you. But this stops now. Tell me your answer.”

She sighed, and looked up into his eyes. She still looked tired, but there was a small spark in her pupils. “Alright, Alpha. You get one chance. One. Don’t fuck it up.”

He held her tighter, lips crashing down on hers. “You are my girl, now. Ain’t never gonna fuck it up.”


End file.
